Choices, choices choices!! There are lots of choice out there! Everyday we can choose from a variety of things…… chocolate bars, washing powders; if you are anything like me your favourite aisle is the cleaning aisle and you could spend ages smelling all the fabric softeners making sure you get the right one. But part of me always worries ‘have I made the wrong choice? Am I going to wish I had picked up spring awakening rather than ocean fresh’!
Another choice I hate making is what to have from the menu when I’m having a meal out – I always fear I will make the wrong choice and get the dreaded food envy!!
The fear of making the wrong decision or choice can also slip into bigger life decisions. What uni to go to, what job to take, whether to adopt or not. When I chose Canterbury university, part of me thought, ‘what if I’ve made the wrong choice? What if God wanted me to go to Winchester?’
I believe God gave me the choice on which uni to go to and because I put my trust in him and committed my time in Canterbury to him, he blessed me. Does that mean he wouldn’t have been with me had I chosen Winchester? Of course not because had I been there, I would have committed my time there to him!
Throughout my life, I have worried about the choices I have made. But I have seen that He will be with me in the decision I have made, if I commit my ways to him, trust in his truth and delight in him.
So why, when I came to the end of the adoption process, did I panic: “Lor, God never told you directly and very clearly and audibly to adopt, did he? What are you doing?!” But God has said ‘Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.’ God’s heart is for the orphans and he has given me a heart to be a mother, so why wouldn’t he want me to adopt?!
It is coming up to a year since a little boy I had known for 4 days moved into my home and shook my life and my priorities. The first week or 2 I was completely vacant: I was like a robot just doing life, looking after F and making sure I kept him alive and well.
I remember my mum asking me, “Are you happy?” And getting cross at her because I didn’t know the answer. My life had completely been turned upside down, I didn’t know how I felt!
The process all happened so quickly for us. I was approved in August, he moved in to my house in October and he legally became my son in February (as it happens on my birthday, no birthday present is going to beat it!) talk about being thrown in the deep end!
God has given me this precious little boy and it has been amazing to see him grow and develop. Have I always got it right? No! Have I got cross and lost my patience? Yes! Have I had to let things go and be less precious about my possessions? Most definitely! Has it been worth it? Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!
His middle name, which I was able to choose means ‘remembered by God’. I chose this because I believe we have both been remembered by God. God knew my heart to be a mother and has given me this little boy to look after and to teach in His ways.
I will finish my first ever blog with a moment that melted my heart. Since F moved in, I have been saying a blessing over him…. “F, may the love of God fill you with all joy and peace today, tomorrow and forever, Amen.” As he was going to sleep one night he said the whole blessing over himself. So our prayer for you as you finish reading this (if you got this far) is…..
That the love of God may fill YOU will all joy and peace today, tomorrow and forever.
